Archive for the ‘maternity’ Category

The Retarded Prince
April 15, 2008

          There once was a retarded boy who would grow up to rule France. You might be wondering: “What’s the deal? Why was the heir to the French throne retarded?”
 

 
          Well, his parents, the King and Queen of France, hadn’t created an heir yet. The King’s brother, Laurence (who wasn’t in line to the throne), [...]

Why Kim Kardashian is Unspoonable
April 11, 2008

                                              
If you aspire to be in her next “tape,” then by all means, go ahead. Just don’t spoon her afterwards. Here’s why:
1. She’s too bootylicious (allusion to big butt buddy, Beyonce). Her spoon overfloweth. You would need 3 people to get behind her, which would still be uncomfortable.
2. Let’s say, hypothetically, that Kim tosses [...]

Vicodin and Deceit
April 9, 2008

Last night, my mother got her tooth pulled, which is suspiciously congruent with the date of my teeth extraction. So, when my mom picked me up from school today, she asked me if I had any more Vicodin left from my healing process. “Yes” I told her. She then instructed me to give her my [...]