Contrary to the popular belief that Gov. Eliot Spitzer is a sex-maniac who deserved to resign, he has commercialized prostitution. In a way, he has even broken the boundaries (or the hymen) of the political status quo by proving that men in politics actually have sex. “Client-9,” which is Spitzer’s codename, humanizes political figures by generating a mutual understanding with many other sex-deficient marriages (who turn to prostitutes to satisfy their sexual urges).
Even Spitzer’s alleged lover, Ashley Alexandra Dupré (a.k.a. “Kristen”), is milking her fifteen minutes of fame. The aspiring songstress made an au natural appearance on the cover of New York Post. She was dubbed “the most famous hooker in America” by The Village Voice. Hustler offered this sovereign of stripping $1 million to pose in the nude. She’s even getting her own Girls Gone Wild DVD. Her circulating Myspace page is also receiving a lot of attention, so I decided investigate it for myself. I found a delightfully self-obsessed girl whose profile is displayed with her moan-accompanied tune, “What We Want.” A Myspace friend by the name of “Capt. Jack Sparrow” comments one of her several charming photos: “you look sort of cute here…just sort of thou!!” Aww, trying to get with “Kristen” for free through the use of cheap flattery is so cute; just sort of, though.
Not only is the assertive “George Fox” (Spitzer’s alias) able to satisfy his own sexual needs, but his “scandal” marketed the fact that he conversely can satisfy the needs of others too. Sexual techniques like role-play and splurging government money on prostitutes are made apparent on his list of talents. I can only imagine the “lunch-breaks” in seedy hotel rooms in which “Clit.-9” and “Kristen” probably lived out some James Bond-age fantasy. “Sean Connery” is so hot.
For all you gold-diggers out there, Spitzy Poo also turns out to be a very generous lover. On the day of his infamous romp, he unnecessarily paid “for everything—train tickets, cab fare from the hotel and back, mini-bar or room service, travel time and hotel.” Paying for call-girls to get drunk off of the mini bottles of Heineken for free? What a gentleman.
Spitzer went out of office with a bang (literally). In tribute to him, N.Y.C. should be renamed from “The Big Apple” to “The Big Cherry” because he popped off the accomplishment of sexually satisfying the nation with his tale of romance. Plus, I hear cherries are better aphrodisiacs. Spitzer may not be a superdelegate anymore, but he definitely is still superhornyandavailable.
Source: Wikipedia.com, bitch!
(I know this post is a little late, but I wrote it in the prime of Eliot’s scandal)
